WITHOUT A SHADOW OF DOUBT,  the single most frustrating thing about being a mature student living back in the parental home is your time,  more specifically, the right other people think they have to your time.

I dont know if this affects younger students, and I expect it probably does, but they may not feel as aggrieved about the devastating loss of independence that making the plunge back into full time education brings. It is a consideration which did not occur to me as I started out on this phase in my life but one which is becoming increasingly more difficult.

I do not want to speak ill of my parents who should by rights in this stage of their lives should be enjoying their finally empty nest and spending time with their grandchildren. Not playing host to their daughter who has decided to return to full time education, adding,  “Oh by the way I need to move back home”.  I do realise that I am the one making life changes for myself which impact on others lives and I am grateful for the roof over my head and access the attendant benefits that this brings.

However……..My plan was to treat my time at university as a full time job, this was not to be so. According to my (university educated) parents I am available for any mundane, trivial task occuring to them because, “Well, you can skip lectures can’t you?”   Actually…. no I can’t, as much as you can’t just decide to skip work. I need these lectures, I need to learn and develop, and whilst it may appear that moving the furniture around in an unused room to catch better light for the people who DO NOT USE that room may seem important, it is not really that big a deal in terms of my future. Let me add here that I do make meals and clean etc, I dont want to sound like a stroppy teenager. I am actually happy to contribute to general day to day family life.

However at breaking point  last week I threw my laptop to the floor in frustration during a (very fragmented) revision session after a voice sailed up the stairs asking me to come and stand on some plastic bottles so that more could fit into the recycling tub. Surely not the actions of a rational person? I am the first to admit I was not behaving in a manner appropriate to my age and I recognise that I am under exam stress.

Please allow me this rant;

UNI IS HARD! I want to do well and the spaces on my timetable are there for independent study, not blocks of time put aside for housework, babysitting, gardening, letter posting, computer repair, showing you how to use Itunes for the 10000,00000th time, running to the shop pick up milk… for your colleagues!  Making party favours for a strangers wedding, waiting at the train station in case somebody who may have not even got on the train turns up, organising books in the study into alphabetical order or being a taxi service. All of the above were requsted with the suffix, because you have time on your hands don’t you????

I still feel for the poor Jehovas Witness who called at the door as I returned from this list of tasks and who *renounced his faith after the rage he encontered as a result of  interrupting my revision further.                                                                    (* He probably didn’t do that) 

Rant over.

Now some practical advice for people in a similar situation.

Recognise your situation and the fact that other people are making space in their lives for you.

• Make yourself a dedicated study space, if you have room and let everybody know that if you are in there you are NOT TO BE DISTURBED. (Steal a door hanger from a hotel….)
• Let people know when you and your sunny disposition are available to help them out with things as you really don’t mind if you have prior warning.
• Do not give people a copy of your timetable as you WILL be disturbed if there is a blank space anywhere throughout your week.
• Make sure people – including friends and people you socialise with if you are coming up to exams and assessments. Good friends won’t try to tempt you away from your revision with nights out etc.
• Give yourself time to yourself away from uni work and other demands on your time. You need to care about yourself and dont spend all your free time away from school work helping other people.

(My personal fave is a tacky fiction book, a candle, some Lush bathbombs, a bottle of wine and a double, nay triple locked bathroom door.)

Remeber this is a massive investment in your future and you need to give it your all.

At the end of all this I do appreciate the suport from my family and friends, who would I be without them?

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